I Have A Theory
The world is a mysterious place. The scientific method dictates that we get to the bottom of that mystery through a rigorous process, the end product of which is known as a theory. This is a place for those theories; a place to put forth our individual explanations for the enigmas that plague us all.
If you've got a theory and would like to enrich the scientific community as a whole, email it to HaveATheory@gmail.com
Wildlife Safari
Though intended to offer a glimpse into what an actual encounter with rare wild animals in their natural habitat would be like, all drive thru wildlife parks are actually a much more accurate portrayal of an encounter with the not-so-rare ‘American sausage arm’, whose natural habitat is hanging out the side of a Suburban throwing food pellets at an emu.
Relationship Pancakes
The relationships in your life are a bit like a batch of pancakes.
The first one is always a bit munted.
*Theory by Bec
Guitar Hero Underpants
Citing the blatantly obvious, manufacturers of Guitar Hero III themed underpants, which prominently feature the games most “recognizable” characters along with a flaming guitar in the crotch region, didnt even bother to produce any pair below size 3XL.
Discount DVDs
On any shelf promising ‘3 DVDs for $9.99!!’ you will find one, if not all, of the sequels to AirBud.
Evil Cardinals
If you are an evil cardinal in the Middle Ages plotting either to usurp a king or rise to the papacy via dastardly means, all your backhanded negotiations and dealings must be done while walking briskly through or standing menacingly in the hallways of a torchlit underground dungeon. For further evidence and example see Exhibit A (otherwise known as Tim Curry in The Three Musketeers).
Chocolate Skittles
Knowing full well that the mere idea of chocolate flavored Skittles would gross out even the heartiest of competitive eaters (and the fact that M&Ms already exist), the Mars Corporation made sure that all available packages of the product were sold right next to the register; the strategy being that bored people in line, unable to resist their most masochistic of culinary urges (the same urges that inexplicably shot the KFC Famous Bowl right to the top of the charts) will buy a bag out of morbid curiosity. If one in a hundred people do this, inevitably one in one hundred of those people will actually like them, shooting potential sales of chocolate Skittles from ‘nothing’ to ‘at least a little bit’.
Top Chef
No one in recorded history has ever sat down and watched just one episode of Top Chef.
blue = prominence of chin strap beards
magenta = perceived value of one busch light tall boy
tan = ability of a west side story joke to neutralize a potential beer-related altercation
Mariachi Bands
There was/is only one original Mariachi band, and they wrote a solid 12 track album. Since then every Mariachi band that you will ever hear covers that one original band. This would explain the undeniable similarities that you hear when listening to such music, i.e. the same exact songs with different voices.
*Theory courtesy of Grason
Pelle Almqvist
Long thought to be the product of its geographic position relative to the sun, Sweden’s 6 month winter is actually caused by The Hives’ frontman Pelle Almqvist, who is forced to syphon off half of the country’s daylight to fuel the intense power of his nonstop rocking.
